Going in Circles

I recently finished reading "Praying Circles Around Your Marriage" by Joel & Nina Schmidgall.  I heard them on a podcast talking about the book and knew that my marriage was something I wanted to focus on improving in 2020 and years to come so I did exactly what I ask my wife not to do - I got online and made an impulse buy.  Wait, it gets even better - I got two books for the price of two because they had a bundle special!  I probably would have fussed at her (see the reason for needing the book) for buying something on a whim like this but I'm trusting that the return on investment will be worth it...and I saved by doing the bundle LOL!

Anyway, before I bore everyone, let me share a little about the book so you can decide for yourself if you should go get you a copy.  They offer seven 'circles' you can surround your marriage with to make you a better spouse, couple, and family (if that happens too).  

P.S. - If you're dating, engaged, married, or think you might ever get married, it's a good read.

1.  Vision Circle.  "What is the vision of your marriage?  Have you ever paused to figure out the direction your marriage is headed?  If not, how will you reorient if you get thrown off course?  When disaster strikes and you lose visibility, how will you reorient to redirect the ship?"

I had to ease into this one with Britt.  From her working background and the passion she has for helping people, her vision of marriage and family has been drastically shifted to for now being a stay at home mom.  And for me being the tightwad that I am, this was a shift for me to rely solely on one income.  Talk to your spouse, or future spouse, about their vision for children, housing, work, vacations, all these things to make sure that you're on the same page and heading in the same direction.

2.  War Circle.  The Schmidgall's were given this good advice early on in their marriage, "You absolutely must commit to fight fair."  "Conflict and disagreement will surely come in any marriage, but each spouse must make a pre-decision to always fight fair.  'You can't aim to hurt or win,' he said.  'There is long-term damage when that happens.  And some people just can't recover.'"

3.  Romance Circle.  "Healthy couples need ongoing moments of connection.  The misconception is to believe that these moments happen only in a big gesture.  While those big moments are important, it's the little things done consistently that create true and deep connection."  The ultimate goal of 'balance' in your romance life is for a couple to each feel fulfilled - not for one to be feel used or one to feel punished.  Intimate connection is important and for some it's more mental while for others, it's more physical.

4.  Dance Circle.  This circle focused on a couple's constant work at balancing things in life - "As circumstances facing our marriage change, it will require a constant shifting to reestablish that balance."  It spoke of 'yielding the right of way' and how often by sharing ourselves openly and honestly with our spouse, we often get more in return than we even anticipated.

5.  Support Circle.  This chapter focused on who are you doing life with?  What other friends and family are you living around and experiencing life with - real life, not digitally?  "A supportive community is well worth the investment and is greater in its influence than all social media combined."  Community gives us understanding, outside perspective, shared strength for burdens, support for vision, accountability and prayer support.  "Ask God to provide friendships that will best compliment you and your spouse."

6.  Storm Circle.  When storms hit (our world, life, or marriages) "they demand our full attention.  They refuse to allow life to carry on as is."  When we share our vows on our wedding day and say things like "in sickness and in health" or "for richer or for poorer" we are imagining and hoping for a life that is more healthy than sick, more rich than poor.  "The biblical understanding of marriage presents marriage as a covenant.  Covenant is not practiced when you feel like it.  It is not abandoned in the midst of trial.  It's not convenient, suitable, or easy.  Rather, it is involved, committed, and relational."

7.  Legacy Circle.  Who are you impacting with your life today?  "Your inspiration will reach people that your actions won't.  It's not just about your accomplishments, but what you inspire in others."  The biggest takeaway that I started getting from the book came in Chapter 7 when they talked about their Portfolio of Investment when they spend time each year evaluating the resources they are investing in relationships, neighborhoods, missions, church community, family, and children.  "We focus less on accumulation of wealth and more on investing in life...we shift the focus from what is our legacy to who is our legacy."  Ultimately, this point boiled down to:  Who are you investing in?  Who is investing in you?  What relationships and friendships do you need to continue to develop?