Skip to main content

Going in Circles

I recently finished reading "Praying Circles Around Your Marriage" by Joel & Nina Schmidgall.  I heard them on a podcast talking about the book and knew that my marriage was something I wanted to focus on improving in 2020 and years to come so I did exactly what I ask my wife not to do - I got online and made an impulse buy.  Wait, it gets even better - I got two books for the price of two because they had a bundle special!  I probably would have fussed at her (see the reason for needing the book) for buying something on a whim like this but I'm trusting that the return on investment will be worth it...and I saved by doing the bundle LOL!

Anyway, before I bore everyone, let me share a little about the book so you can decide for yourself if you should go get you a copy.  They offer seven 'circles' you can surround your marriage with to make you a better spouse, couple, and family (if that happens too).  

P.S. - If you're dating, engaged, married, or think you might ever get married, it's a good read.

1.  Vision Circle.  "What is the vision of your marriage?  Have you ever paused to figure out the direction your marriage is headed?  If not, how will you reorient if you get thrown off course?  When disaster strikes and you lose visibility, how will you reorient to redirect the ship?"

I had to ease into this one with Britt.  From her working background and the passion she has for helping people, her vision of marriage and family has been drastically shifted to for now being a stay at home mom.  And for me being the tightwad that I am, this was a shift for me to rely solely on one income.  Talk to your spouse, or future spouse, about their vision for children, housing, work, vacations, all these things to make sure that you're on the same page and heading in the same direction.

2.  War Circle.  The Schmidgall's were given this good advice early on in their marriage, "You absolutely must commit to fight fair."  "Conflict and disagreement will surely come in any marriage, but each spouse must make a pre-decision to always fight fair.  'You can't aim to hurt or win,' he said.  'There is long-term damage when that happens.  And some people just can't recover.'"

3.  Romance Circle.  "Healthy couples need ongoing moments of connection.  The misconception is to believe that these moments happen only in a big gesture.  While those big moments are important, it's the little things done consistently that create true and deep connection."  The ultimate goal of 'balance' in your romance life is for a couple to each feel fulfilled - not for one to be feel used or one to feel punished.  Intimate connection is important and for some it's more mental while for others, it's more physical.

4.  Dance Circle.  This circle focused on a couple's constant work at balancing things in life - "As circumstances facing our marriage change, it will require a constant shifting to reestablish that balance."  It spoke of 'yielding the right of way' and how often by sharing ourselves openly and honestly with our spouse, we often get more in return than we even anticipated.

5.  Support Circle.  This chapter focused on who are you doing life with?  What other friends and family are you living around and experiencing life with - real life, not digitally?  "A supportive community is well worth the investment and is greater in its influence than all social media combined."  Community gives us understanding, outside perspective, shared strength for burdens, support for vision, accountability and prayer support.  "Ask God to provide friendships that will best compliment you and your spouse."

6.  Storm Circle.  When storms hit (our world, life, or marriages) "they demand our full attention.  They refuse to allow life to carry on as is."  When we share our vows on our wedding day and say things like "in sickness and in health" or "for richer or for poorer" we are imagining and hoping for a life that is more healthy than sick, more rich than poor.  "The biblical understanding of marriage presents marriage as a covenant.  Covenant is not practiced when you feel like it.  It is not abandoned in the midst of trial.  It's not convenient, suitable, or easy.  Rather, it is involved, committed, and relational."

7.  Legacy Circle.  Who are you impacting with your life today?  "Your inspiration will reach people that your actions won't.  It's not just about your accomplishments, but what you inspire in others."  The biggest takeaway that I started getting from the book came in Chapter 7 when they talked about their Portfolio of Investment when they spend time each year evaluating the resources they are investing in relationships, neighborhoods, missions, church community, family, and children.  "We focus less on accumulation of wealth and more on investing in life...we shift the focus from what is our legacy to who is our legacy."  Ultimately, this point boiled down to:  Who are you investing in?  Who is investing in you?  What relationships and friendships do you need to continue to develop?  
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2020 is Hindsight...Finally!

Wow, what a year! 2020 could literally be an entire decade, maybe more, of history, change, and lessons rolled up into these twelve months. While many aspects of 2020 were kind of sucky and we would like to forget them, it will certainly be a year to remember. And it will be enlightening when this year is looked back on in 10, 25, or 50 years to be discussed. I wonder if we'll seem like geniuses or idiots? Probably both to some extent! While there is so much that I could consider and analyze about this year, I'll try to break some of it down into four dimensions - Physical, Spiritual, Mental, and Social/Emotional. These are events and happenings from my world and perspective and I'm trying to be open in sharing and would love to hear from others on events you found most transforming. Physical When COVID cause gyms to close, that messed me up. Our town and state were late to be hit with severe cases and therefore later than many across the country to close up shop. I'm n...
Post a Comment
Read more

Worship > Fellowship

I believe that worship, true worship of God, is more important than fellowship with other believers.  Now I'm not saying that fellowship and relationships aren't important.  But I am saying that if I'm not worshiping God, if I'm not right with him, then my other relationships can't be right.  My fellowship and worship with him is more important than my relationship with my wife, my son, family, friends, my church, and my community.  Think about it.  How can I love my wife like Christ loved the church if I don't love Christ?  I wouldn't know how to love without knowing him.  Why should she submit to me if I'm not worth submitting to?  And yes I do believes wives should submit, but I also believe that won't be an issue as long as she's submitting to a godly husband.  (Ephesians 5:22-25) Our love for others must flow from our love and worship of God.  1 John 4:19-21 reads, "We love because he first loved us.  If anyone says,...
Post a Comment
Read more

Do You Need Revival?

"Will you not revive us again, that your people may rejoice in You?" - Psalm 85:6 The thoughts below were in my devotional this morning by Dr. Lee Sheppard: "So how can we know if we need revival in our lives?  Well, we need revival when our salvation has lost its joy, when our sin does not break our heart, and when we make little to no effort to witness to the lost.  We need revival when worship becomes boring, when we are at odds with believers and see no need for reconciliation, and when we fail to believe God for the impossible.  We need revival when we have to be begged to give and serve in church and when we would rather make money than give money.  We need revival when we have to be entertained to be drawn to church and when we are indifferent to the fact that there are 2.5 billion people on the planet who have never heard the name of Jesus.  We need revival when we don't regularly see the supernatural evidence of God's power and when ...
Post a Comment
Read more